holy guacamole

You probably will like what I write or you won’t like what I write in this "It's Saturday" (i.e. one or the other).  It’s like a friend told me—There is no such thing as a sick sheep; they are either alive or they are dead!  GeorgeTheCrook says--Yabut erv, I think you are just saying that to “shift the focus.”  GeorgeTheCrook, shifting the focus from what?  I have no idea but you seem to know what I’m trying to shift the focus from.  You seem to know more about me than I do. You are trying to create "fake news." Holy guacamole! 

AverageJoe says--Diamonds and gold are what it takes to win a gal over; For a guy, it’s more like sex and food!  Holy guacamole!  Really folks, that formula isn’t that hard to figure out; it’s pretty black and white; it's been around forever.  MissPerfect says—Some way and at some time, it’s all about the money; don’t kid yourself; money is universally understood: a great motivator and leverage.  Such is life. 

On his deathbed, a wealthy man gathered his priest, his accountant, and his lawyer together. He had spent his life amassing a fortune and he couldn’t stand the thought of being parted with it. He made each of them swear to withdraw 1/3 of his money and sneak it into his coffin at his funeral so that he would be buried with it. He died soon after. Following the funeral, the three men were walking back to their vehicles and begin talking to each other about the deceased man’s odd request. The priest said “Forgive me, for I have sinned. I withheld 10% of my portion of his fortune from his coffin so that I could help the poor.” The accountant said “I too have not followed his instructions exactly. I withheld 20% of my portion of his fortune as compensation for my services.” The lawyer said “Shame on you both! I followed his instructions perfectly: I left a check for my full portion in his coffin.”

ItchieBitchie says—When things are going well I don’t’ change anything; I don’t shave, brush my teeth or change my underwear!  I just go with it.  I have noticed ItchieBitchie that you do all three of those things all the time!  ha ha  Holy guacamole!

Have you ever experienced an ambush (i.e. or it felt like an ambush anyway)?  I washed our windows and lol.  I was reminiscing about a year ago when I was part of our WHO (i.e. we help others—a group from our church) that helps others. We went and washed a super-senior’s windows in his house.  I was washing away and Don came and talked to me.  He told me that the windows haven’t been washed since Lucy died; that was 6 years ago; Lucy liked to wash windows and did it every Saturday. He said he doesn’t like washing windows.  Soooo I was finishing up on the outside porch windows when a couple ladies of your group, who were washing the inside, came out and told me I left some streaks.  Really!  Soooo I went around to the other side of the house and they came out and redid them.  I LOL!  Holy guacamole, they seemed pretty particular after 6 years of the windows not being washed.  Arlene and I went had a visit with old Don (i.e. 91) and told him the story.  We had a good laugh together.  Thanksamillion ladies for making the story and for making us laugh. You are special.  But your poor husbands!  ha ha

Soooo I have gone to church with this lady for 40+ years.  We have known each other and talked to each other but I really didn’t really know her.  Crazy!  ANYWAY, she and I are in a support group together and we got to know each other.  She is sorta kinda what I thought she was but much different than I thought as well (i.e. I enjoy her much more than I did before; she makes me laugh; she is also very real). Holy guacamole!

Odds are stacked against us to live forever on this earth (i.e. the cards are stacked against us).  As much as we try to improve our odds, at some point the unstoppable/inevitable event will happen.  Soooo when the gonger gongs, then what do you think will happen?  Some NBA teams are stacked with talent much more than others (i.e. Golden State really is stacked—odds were in their favor—no question).  Jeff Van Gundy says Durant is ungardable.  He is that good. I think I could coach that team to a championship.  I have friends (i.e. you guys) who are ungardable.  You are that good.  You know who you are.  Yes you do.  I have a stacked team.  Yes I do.  I can’t lose. WorldClassLarry says—It is special to have ungardable friends.  You guys make the odds more favorable for me. 

HumbleBuck says--Soooo if you are going to wait for when the odds are stacked in your favor, you might not ever get anything done. Ouchy ouchy! Every day God gives you little opportunities to show kindness to people around you. As he does, he’s watching to see if you’re going to be self-centered or if you’ll notice the people who need a word of encouragement or a pat on the back or an errand done for them or some other practical means of help. Sooooo when is the best time to do it—NOW.  Take Nike’s approach—Just do it!  SusieQ’s idea is--Be a friend to people who need a friend. Help lonely people. That’s an effective antidote for loneliness.

The Zenker sent me this (i.e. he’s an old classmate of Danube High (i.e. class of 63).  He is a retired beet farmer.  Soooooo really folks, what are the odds of a retired beet farmer from Oliva, MN getting killed by terrorism?  I think his odds are greater that he drowns by falling out of his big boat by his lake home or slips on the dock.  Don’t kid yourself folks, he might have done a lot of complaining but those beets have done him well!! He might have more money than you can chase a stick at!  Holy guacamole! Odds are not very good in accomplishing some things folks but folks still do them (i.e. crazy to me).  I read in the paper (i.e. soooo it must be right)--Powerball players have only a slightly better chance of winning $100 than dying in a car accident. Such is life.

Holy guacamole! My Dad, Chester, back on the farm when I was a kid, use to laugh at our neighbor.  He was a college grad in agriculture from the University of Minnesota.  He didn’t do anything until the soil temperature was a certain degree (i.e. just perfect).  His crops were always behind everyone’s and his yield were always very poor.  He was educated (i.e. did it by the book) but it didn’t seem to work very well.  Such is life.

If you could kick the posterior of the person who has hurt you the most, ...you wouldn’t be able to sit down for six weeks. ~John Hagee~ Holy guacamole! 

I asked an acquaintance about her siblings.  She said one sister is a body waxer.  Soooo what does a body waxer do.  They remove unwanted hair from a person’s body.  Holy guacamole, that has to hurt.  Yes it does.  She makes big money doing it (i.e. many folks want to remove body hair and will pay big bucks to have it done). I guess some women don’t like mustaches or goatee or…! I have no idea folks, no idea what hair some folks want removed.  Probably really don’t want to know!!!!!

The other day I was going to stop and see an acquaintance.  I drove into his parking lot and said to myself—he doesn’t want to see me (i.e. he’s going through a tough situation).  Sooooo I turned around and started out.  Then I said to myself—this is an opportunity; it might be a “once in a life time” soooo I turned around and went in and visited with him.  I’m sure happy I did.  Have you ever got cold feet?  This person told me he just emailed me and then did explain his situation.  I asked him if I could do anything for him and wished him the best.  He shook my hand and I left.  I read the email in the car.  I am sharing it with his permission--Erv, Thank you for your concern, its something Im not accustomed to so it is pretty strange for me. As for how I am doing health wise, nothing has changed. The treatments I was undergoing were extremely painful and I could not handle them so I escaped from the hospital after 2 days. At this point I do not know what the future holds for me, everyone I know is disappointed in me leaving, but at the same time not a single one of those people even showed any concern about me being in the hospital to begin with.  ~  Right now I am focusing on something Ive never had before and that is happiness. Id rather live a short life and enjoy it, than a long life spent in misery and pain surrounded by doctors. I believe that the "problem" in my brain may in fact be the key to why I am capable of doing the things I can do, and understanding things without really learning them.  ~  I have a positive outlook on the situation because if 600 amps of electricity couldn't kill me a little cancer doesn't stand a chance.  ~  Some people may think that I am rolling over and letting the disease win and going out with a whimper, but I've still got plans, and Ive still got art and knowledge in my head that is destined to help mankind. When my time comes, I don't plan on just making a name for myself and being a warm memory for those I loved. I plan on leaving a dent in the universe and casting a shadow on the sun.  ~  Take Care, Joshua

It’s Father’s Day—I can only remember two times that my Father, Chester, really had major concern for me (i.e. and I messed one of them up).  The first was when I was maybe 12.  I went for a horseback ride on Queen with a neighbor boy, Eldon.  We went to the county line dredge ditch (i.e. county line of Renville and Kandiyohi counties).  It was an old dredge ditch that had mature trees (i.e. a great place to ride horse and pretend).  Around Roseland, MN there were ditches dredged to drain the land as it is flat.  ANYWAY, it was about 2 miles from our home and I got back when it was pretty dark.  My Dad was quite concerned about me.  The second was when I was going to college.  I had my suitcase and a cardboard box of stuff sitting at the end of our walk waiting for my ride.  Dad was sitting on the stoop and asked me to sit by him.  He told me he was going to die (i.e. he had severe heart problems).  I got quite upset and emotional with him and told him not to talk that way.  He showed his concern but I really didn’t let him.  I was toooo immature.  My ride came and he died about 2 weeks later.  Ouchy ouchy!

A golf buddy/friend (i.e. who has great hip rotation when he hits the ball) told me on the 6^th tee box last week that he had a prostrate biopsy done.  The doctor told him it would be like a bee sting.  They put him in these stirrups and he grabbed his buttocks with both hands as it hurt really bad.  Holy guacamole! He told the doctor that he is a framer and have been stung by bees on the farm; no bee stings like that!  Ouchy ouchy.

CrazyMarvin got himself in a pickle and it looked bad sooooo he said--Lordy, I know I haven’t talked to you in a long time, but I sure need your help now. Soooooo if you’re listening, please get me out of this—quick! Holy guacamole!

CadillacJack says--Four college grads are together at a fast food restaurant, marveling at a new gadget. The science grad asks 'Why does it work?' The engineering grad asks 'How does it work?' The business grad asks 'How is it marketed?' The liberal arts grad asks 'Do you want fries with that? A verysmartperson told me that folks don’t always do things for money!  I agree but folks need to understand that going into their situation.  AverageJoe says—Don’t be naive!  If you understand that, then you are ok.  BUT don’t complain later.  Don’t be envious later. Ok?  I read this while eating my oatmeal with half a banana on it--To enjoy life to the fullest, we need activities that recharge our emotions. We need activities that literally re-create us. Since God made each of us different, we all have different ways that he does that in our lives.

Have a FUN day my friends unless you have other plans. (-:

erv

MyFriendJean says—The largest room in the world is the room for improvement.

P.S. The story you tell yourself becomes your reality.