a view point

Don't know for sure if I will have Internet service in the morning where I will be sooooo I'm sending "It's Saturday" a little early. 

I talk a lot about real folks telllin' it like it is.  I emailed some friends who I haven't heard from for a while.  I asked them -- what's going on?  They responded and here is one paragraph of what they said.  All of our correspondence is re-printed with their permission.  Trust me--there are no subliminal gremlins in this "It's Saturday" that I am aware of but their could be without me knowing it.  Soooo be careful! 

Moving out here, Erv, has been the toughest thing we've ever done in our married lives (that's 43 years next month). Harder than the transplants. Harder than the failed transplants. Maybe Parkinson's has been harder. It's been so good to be by our kids and grandkids. (The latter we would not know nearly as well had we remained in Iowa.) But out here no one knows you. No one knows your history. What you stand for. What you've been through. You're like a grain of sand on a dune by the seaside. It's been a real test of ego. Mine is apparently bigger than I thought!

I said--Maybe you want to say more soooo it fits the readers of "It's Saturday" better.  Maybe you want to add some more.  Here is your opportunity to tell it like it is my friend.  And maybe you don't want me to use it.  That is fine toooooo!  They replied with this: 

Hi Erv, I don't know what else I'd add, Erv. Just musing out loud here, what precipitated our move was my health and Janeo not wanting to tackle this alone anymore without family to support us (particularly with a Parkinson's diagnosis). That being said, we were well supported in the OC community, in a myriad of generous and loving ways. But you know the old saying, "Blood is thicker than water".

I guess I'd encourage retirees who are considering such a radical move as ours, try to project what starting over relationally will mean to you at this season of life. A friend of mine said, "You can make new friends easy enough; it's just tough to make old friends." That takes years. Years of working together. Laughing together. Crying together. Grieving together. And when you're retired and move, you don't have a work context to begin meeting people. Nor a church, at least not right away. What will a move like that mean to you financially? We weren't planning on having a mortgage in retirement. We do now. The cost of living is higher out here, much higher. The culture is different. Not bad, but different. Takes time to acclimate to this new setting, and you're not as flexible in these retirement years as you might think! And lastly, don't move thinking you're kids are going to supply all your relational needs. That doesn't work for you or them. We all need our space.

And we all need a sense of community. That's what we miss. Someone who knows you well enough to tease you, give you grief. To support you in a variety of ways. Now all that being said, we do have that kind of relationship with some friends. That relationship has been a God-send!

(Janeo here, speaking as carepartner--Bear's wife):  A move midwest to midwest is FAR less stressful than midwest to NW, so I think that in itself would make things way easier.  Had we stayed in OC, we would have had to move out of our house because there were too many levels.  I think it is important to be proactive in considering those kinds of issues as we age (medical needs/care, pharmacy, hospital, mobility in the home and outside the home, library, doctoring).

I think it is important to  consider what kind of resources you may need to access down the road.  Perhaps those would  be more broad and available in a larger city.  How accessible are those from your current home?  In terms of relationships, what relationships do you have in Aplington that would allow you to stay there and get the kind of support you may need down the line?  Here's where Bear and I are different:  as I age, I need a smaller circle of relationships with deep roots. How important are each person's social needs and how are those met?  I need to be closer than a plane ride away to face the PD, which we know is progressive and degenerative.  I asked Bear before we moved, Who would you let me call on a Sunday morning at 7 AM if the sewer blew up in our basement?  I know how he thinks, and he wouldn't call anyone on Sunday morning.  I'm calling our kids, and it doesn't matter what time or day it is =)!

Knowing our grandchildren and being an active part of their everyday lives is very important to me.  That is going to look very different when we visit infrequently (and air travel was becoming much more of a hassle for us in the end) and visit "by immersion".  I like this, having the grands over for lunch, picking them up from school, seeing them in various programs, helping out when we can.  I believe that we have something to share in our lives with them, and that they learn from just being around us.

We know that at some point driving will be an issue for us.  What is available to us when that happens? As we age, and as we age dealing with PD, that we deal with more and more losses.  Having a counselor in place has been necessary and very effective for us as we face these challenges(we see him "as needed", or what I call, getting tweaked).

Way more than perhaps you were expecting, Erv, but those are some late night, random thoughts of mine!

Bless you friend!  Bear 

Bear and Janeo are real folks with great big hearts.  They are survivors and are as tough as $2 steaks.  My kind of folks. 

Bear and Janeo, I think you should move to AZ.  Yes I do.  For health reasons, Joesixpack's doctor urged him to move to Arizona. After settling in, he met a neighbor who was a fit older man. "Say, is this really a healthy place?" Joesixpack asked. "It sure is," the man replied. "When I first arrived here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room and I had to be lifted out of bed." "That's quite an improvement!" said Joesixpack. "How long have you been here?" "I was born here."

Have a FUN day my friends unless you have other plans. (-:

erv

MyFriendJean says--Do you act or react?