Family Dynamics

93% of communication is non verbal.  I was told that at an Alzheimer's caregiver seminar that I attended.  Many Alzheimer's folks have a hard time verbalizing their thoughts.  It is a normal effect.  But they still have feelings and communicate non verbally.  And, we as caregivers, communicate a lot with our non verbal actions to them.  Our emotions are "emotional transferable" we were told.  That means our loved ones copy our emotions many times.  I wonder if normal kids' emotions are "emotional transferable" from their parents (i.e. like parents like child).  I wonder. It is something to think about anyway!

Scared of being jinxed or being zapped! Have you ever have had the "pants scared off of you"? I went to a legal seminar for caregivers as well.  A huge massive issue is "Family Dynamics".  Oh ya.  Everything seems great until things get ugly, illness in the family, death is staring everyone in the face, decisions have to be made or money is involved. I was reminded that "preplanning" is very important (i.e. my mentor taught me this) and get good advice (i.e. powerful medicine).  The speaker told us to get advice from a person who is a expert in the area of "Elder Law".  Don't listen to advice of your neighbor, golf buddy, your brother-in-law, bridge lady, your clergy or the medicine man (i.e. don't be intimidated). They might be nice folks but are not experts.  Also, find an attorney

Bruno, Charlie, and Bones

who is an expert in "Elder Law" not one that dabbles in it only cause they want your money (i.e. don't listen to Bruno and Bones either).  Medicaid and VA are "A Place of No"  but an expert is a "Place of Yes".  There are legally and ethically things to do to help folks to position themselves better or get some help sometimes.  You got to be persistent and tenacious (i.e. jump through the hoops). I also was reminded--If you have money, you have no choice except to pay (i.e. maybe not with VA).  Full nursing home care can cost about $6,000 - $7,000 per month.

Check out the picture closely folks!  A friend told me that another friend told him that a co-worker told him (i.e. sooooo it must be right)--That he didn't  know of  any story that couldn't use some embellishment! What is your Family Dynamics?  Brian said--Lincoln was a champion and he never gave up; I know as I was there. Here is a sketch of Lincoln's road to the White House:  1816 His family was forced out of their home. He had to work to support them.1818 His mother died. 1831 Failed in business. 1832 Ran for state legislature - lost. l832 Also lost his job - wanted to go to law school but couldn't get in. 1833 Borrowed some money from a friend to begin a business and by the end of the year he was bankrupt. He spent the next 17 years of his life paying off this debt. 1834 Ran for state legislature again - won. 1835 Was engaged to be married, sweetheart died and his heart was broken. 1836 Had a total nervous breakdown and was in bed for six months. 1838 Sought to become speaker of the state legislature - defeated. 1840 Sought to become elector - defeated. 1843 Ran for Congress - lost. 1846 Ran for Congress again - this time he won - went to Washington and did a good job. 1848 Ran for re-election to Congress - lost. 1849 Sought the job of land officer in his home state - rejected. 1854 Ran for Senate of the United States - lost. 1856 Sought the Vice-Presidential nomination at his party's national convention - get less than 100 votes. 1858 Ran for U.S. Senate again - again he lost. 1860 Elected president of the United States. Do you have any champions in your Family Dynamics? ShowBoatMabel says--If embellishment doesn't work, sell it with dramatics.  ShowBoatMable doesn't stop at anything except stop lights!  Such is live.

ItchieBitchie, do you think you are better than your family members?  If you don't, you sure act that way.  Family Dynamics are always soooo interesting to see.  And all families have different Family Dynamics.  But for the most part, no family member likes the family member who thinks they are better than the rest (i.e. even if they are).  ItchieBitchie says--Yabut, I can't help it that I'm better that the rest of my family!  MissPerfect, ItchieBitchie's sister, thinks she is always right; just ask her if you don't believe me.  Family get-to-gathers are always interesting in their family I bet!  Huh, interesting.

I rode my bike over to see some friends from back home recently.  Tarzan was playing billiards sooooo I talked with Jane--She told me a little about their Family Dynamics.  She said they were at a recent event in their 55+ community where the microphone was passed around and everyone was asked to say something about themselves.  She said I took the microphone as Tarzan doesn't do that thing and I do.  ANYWAY she said--I was told when I married Tarzan that he didn't say much.  We have been married for 50+ years and I have kept record; he has used 486 words!  She made me laugh.  God only knows how many words Jane has used!  Such is life.

Valentine Family Dynamics!  Arlene and I went out for breakfast last Saturday at a local ma and pa cafe (i.e. Valentines Day).  It was busy and there were two normal looking senior big burly guys sitting at a table where two tables were put together.  They asked if we wanted to sit a the other table.  We did.  They were from SD and car collectors.  Very nice guys.  They eventually asked about us.  I asked them if they were widowers?  One said he was and it was 3 years ago today (i.e. Valentines Day) that his wife passed away.  I asked him if it has been hard--very hard; especially the first year; went to a grief class at his church which really helped.  How about you, I said to the other guy--I have never been married--did you ever come close--yes I did; had the ring and was going to give it to her on Valentines Day but the night before she ran off with another guy--I have never got over that (i.e. he got tears in his eyes); that was some 45 years ago folks.  Ouchy ouchy!

A man received the following text from his neighbor..."I am so sorry Bob.  I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess;  I have been helping myself to your wife day and night when you're not around. In fact, I have probably been getting more than you. I do not get it at home - but that's not an excuse.  I can no longer live with the guilt, and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't ever happen again."  The man, anguished and betrayed, went directly into his bedroom, grabbed his gun and, without a word, shot his wife dead.  A few moments later, a second text came in:  Darn Autocorrect!  Sorry Bob, the second sentence should read, "your Wifi"....

Duttons  Arlene and I went to the Duttons "show" this week.  They have a show in Branson and do their show in the winter here in Mesa.  We have gone every year we have been down here and have seen them in Branson as well.  Arlene really likes them.  ANYWAY their parents still perform with them but there are 5 siblings, their wives, and children who do the show.  One of the family told us that the most frequently asked question is--How do you guys all get along?  He said that they were a typical family who have disagreements, problems, and don't always agree.  He said--The real "show" is behind the stage!!!  ha ha

There are soooo many different Family Dynamics here in Sun Valley with the senior snowbirds--widows, couples married for 60 years, widowers, seniors who live together, second marriages, 8th marriages, blended families, folks who are sick, folks who have all different type of hobbies etc.  JoeTheHike went back to MN last Saturday.  He and I went out for a beer at a bar he frequents at beer thrity. He got to know some of the folks who frequent the bar a little.  One guy is CharlieThePreist.  He introduced him to me. CharlieThePriest said to us--I only come in here and drink on the days that end with "Y"!  JoeTheHike enjoys being home in MN and watching his grand girls play basketball in the state tourney.  His wife likes it here better sooooo she stays her and he goes back to MN.  Hey, whatever works folks. Such is life.

Got a shot!  Our home town HS boys basketball team has a good shot going to the state and maybe even winning it.  They are going into tournament play 20-1 and rated #3 in their class (i.e. I have a friend on the team soooo I'm real happy for them).  Before I went into business, I was an educator and boys bb coach.  During those 5 years I coached, I had 2 real good teams.  One team had a mid season problem as three of the starters got kicked off for drinking.  They were a good team.  Really should of gone to state. The other team was undefeated and rated #1 in our class.  Neither one of them got to the state tournament.  Couldn't get 'r none!  Must of been poor coaching!  Had to be.  HotShotEd says--Things always don't go the way we want.  It seems exceptionally hard to loose when you really want something bad. Especially when you don't think you lived up to your ability or circumstances just didn't work out.  That's just the way it goes sometimes.  GeorgeTheCrook says--Someone has to win and someone has to loose.  Yabut, it's a lot more fun to win than to loose.  My hope of coaching at the state tournament is a "ship that has sailed". As I get older, I find out that many of my "ships have sailed"! Such is life.

Suggestion--Don't have angst about your Family Dynamics.  I read this while eating my oatmeal with a half a banana on it--Do not let yesterday worry you nor tomorrow. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own...Do not give in to fear or worry, those robbers of abundant living...Trust Me enough to face problems as they come, rather than trying to anticipate them.  Does any of this make any sense to you?  Some folks prefer drugs or alcohol, an extreme busy schedule or eating etc.  CadillacJack says--Many times when we have a problem or situation that troubles us, we can't see nutten but the problem.  It's like -- Always right here; like a hand right in front of our face.  Ouchy ouchy! 

Curtain of Distraction!  I went to the ASU/UCLA basketball game this week.  The student

section has created a Curtain of Distraction.  Maybe you have seen it on national news or in the sports section (i.e. 98% of you probably have not). ANYWAY students have this curtain and open it with something crazy behind it to distract opposing players when they are shooting free throws.  It's crazy but fun.  We all have distractions in our lives that take away our focus.  No question.  But some of those distractions aren't as much fun.  

Leadership!  SusieQ says--Momentum is important in change and a leader keeps the momentum moving.  Positive energy gives us momentum. Smart leaders focus folks on where you want to go, and frame it positive (i.e. little by little with a little nudge and folks don't even know it).  It comes down to the leader's ability to inspire folks.  I went to a Leadership Conference with friends (i.e. sweet, great friends with good hearts--my kind of folks) at Broadway Christian Church last night.  We heard Bill Hybels and Louie Giglio speak (i.e. it's always good to learn I think).  I learned/relearned--Churches have Family Dynamics.  I get bored rather easily.  And church can at times bore me.  I like something new and not the "sameO sameO" all the time (e.g. liturgy of 100 years ago just doesn't excite me much). I think there is a place for Curtain of Distraction (i.e. not the main game but just some fun (i.e. my opinion). See link at the bottom of this!  This is what Bill and Louie had to say--Leadership is important!  One thing that sorta kinda struck me that was said--Humility makes good leaders.  Do you agree with that?

  We gotta be tougher than a grisly bear's grope!  Folks, we all need to adapt.  We just have tooooo.  I read in the paper soooo it must be right--Valley libraries are adapting to digital demand.  Family Dynamics is an area that changes constantly and we have to adapt.  If we don't, well, we just have toooo.  Some folks say they can't but they seem toooooo.  They just do.  We have no choice. Once we get that mentality of adapting, well, bingo, we are set to go!  

Learned from the Family Dynamics?  SmatPantsWanda asks--If a man who is born blind gets his eyesight at the age of 18 or older, how would he know who is beautiful and who is ugly?  Would he know that a fat person is overweight or that a skinny person is considered more attractive?  Would he know who is White or who is Back?  Who is a good pickleball player or who isn't?  SmartPantsWanda, that is known as Molyneux's Problem.  I'm not smart enough to figure that one out: I have no idea.  But, everyone has an opinion and an idea; that is for sure!  And many of those opinions and ideas are passed down from one generation in a family to the next.  Oh ya!  You can take the boy off the farm but not the farm out of the boy; you get the idea!  Years ago I was talking to a couple who knew a family (i.e. three generations--my friends) as I did.  They said--If I didn't see who I was talking to, I wouldn't know which person I was talking tooo--the granddad, his son or his grandson.  They all sound exactly the same.  Soooooo does some/much of our dynamics come from our Family Dynamics (e.g. if a parent is incarcerated, it's about 7X more likely the child will be locked up some day--if your parents are educated, your chance of being educated will be much greater--if your family is nice, chances are you will be nice). 

Real Family dynamics! Today, as my father, three brother, and two sisters stood around my mothers's hospital bed, my mother uttered her last coherent words before she died.  She simply said, "I feel so loved right now.  We should have gotten together like this more often."

Have a FUN day my friends unless you  have other plans. (-:

erv

MyFriendJean says--Teach thy tongue to say, I do not know.

Mike and Dawn are folks from the Rock of the Southwest in Littleton, CO (i.e. church were James and Heather go to). We traveled to Israel with them and got to know them.  ANYWAY Mike and Dawn are very talented.  This is a hilarious skit they put on for the church's Christmas program.  At the end, Mike sings Oh Holy Night that is very touching to me (i.e. my favorite Christmas song).  It ain't boring folks.  https://vimeo.com/116034042?from=facebook This one is the Hillbilly/O Holy Night